Choosing Joy

Admittedly, I was struggling.  I had a bad attitude, and my patience was running thin.  I dislike the way I was feeling and how my heart was just simply ugly, but I want to be honest here.  And, I want to remember that in our journey it hasn’t all been a storybook, there have been times that have been hard.  Really hard.  The past week was hard.  I had been spiraling, and as is typical with me, I was trying to pinpoint what was causing my heaviness.  This is how I roll, analyze the situation and figure out how to solve it … when often I just need to sit down and let God lead and guide.  He’s pretty good at that, you know. 

I am very aware that I am beyond blessed.  Really blessed.  I am surrounded by reminders of God’s grace.  But, my heart has been heavy ... the uncertainty of when exactly we can bring our baby home, the unknown of her past, the impending start of a new school year for the boys, so much impending change for Lydia ... and, Nora's birth mom has been on my heart so much lately.  How her birth parents must have loved her so, the act of getting her to a place where they knew she would be found when they likely were coming from a rural area, likely their journey was beyond hard.  It is truly overwhelming and such an act of love.  

All of this heaviness, but I know where my hope comes from, and ultimately, I want to choose joy.

I want to choose joy with this guy ... even if it means date night is a couple of stolen hours at Target pouring over bottles, formula and diapers. 

I want to choose joy in unexpected beach days and by pouring love on these treasures.

I want to choose joy by praying home our baby girl.

I want to choose joy by finding hope in and thanking our Heavenly Father for all of the gifts he has so graciously given us.