Sweet Owen, we are remembering you today as we do every day but especially today on your 2nd birthday ...
We remember the calm and peacefulness of Thursday, May 29th, the day before you were born.
We remember driving to the hospital late that night, feeling numb as we could only imagine what the next hours would bring.
We remember playing dominos and Uno as labor was not progressing quickly, but it was more time to enjoy feeling you move inside of me as you were so full of life.
We remember laughing at your brothers when they got to meet you. They even smelled your sweet little toes.
We remember the words of the photographer, how she was so nervous to take your pictures but then she met you and all of her fears were washed away.
We remember introducing you to your Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and special friends, you are so loved. We remember many of these loved ones sitting in the waiting room all day, waiting for your arrival. What an amazing act of love.
We remember holding you and never wanting to let go.
We remember listening to music with you and reading you a book.
We remember sobbing as we left the hospital, our arms aching with emptiness but praising our Father that we did get to hold you and love you.
We remember the joy, peace and love that surrounded us that Friday evening after your birth, we could sense the Lord's presence.
We remember your sweet button nose and your "stork bites" - you looked just like your big brothers!
We remember taking in all of you, knowing we only had hours to memorize each of your features forever.
We remember the picture of the leaf with the single rain drop hung on the door of our hospital room - a secret signal to all staff, letting them know that something devestating had happened to the people inside those doors.
We remember the nurses and our doctor and how we were so well cared for.
We remember handing your body to the nurse, we knew you no longer occupied that physical form, but that knowledge did not make it any easier to say goodbye.
We remember these things and so much more. And today, on your 2nd birthday, we remember you, Owen, our sweet love.
Mother's Day weekend was very special. On Sunday, Lydia was dedicated. Nearly two years ago we were also dedicating Owen, but the circumstances were so different. We were dedicating him at the hospital, not in church. It was just Jason and I and one of our dear Pastors. At the time of Owen's dedication he was already in the Lord's hands, only his earthly body remained with us. How blessed we were to be able to stand in church with Lydia on Mother's Day and commit to each other and loved ones that we will bring up Lydia intentionally.
Admittedly, after losing Owen, there is still a question I wrestle with - do I fully trust God with the lives of our children or do I only partially trust him or trust him as long as he promises to keep them safe?
Another mom I "know" (in the web world), said it so well - "why do we as parents try to hang on when we know that our children are much better off in the Lord's hands than in our own? Why do we have a hard time trusting when we know our Heavenly Father loves us deeply and passionately?" It's not easy, is it? I'm still learning, still learning that God's plan is so much bigger than ours. Remember Angie? In her recently released book, "I Will Carry You," she speaks to clinging to our children, but the more we do that, we more we may realize that they are not ours. We need to leave them in the hands of the One who created them.
So, to stand on that stage and publicly dedicate Lydia's life to the Lord, we will choose to fully trust God and pray that Lydia will do the same as she grows up.
"Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4
Our annual Christmas tree burning started four years ago. We "save" our Christmas tree and then pick a weekend in Spring to take it to a near-by state campground to burn. We then roast hot dogs and marshmallows over our tree. Little did we know four years ago that this would start a fun annual tradition for us, but it did!
The Boys - Anxiously awaiting the fire ...
Lydia pretty much slept through her first tree burning ...
Our spring traditions hold a special place in our hearts as they are traditions that we experienced and memories that we made while Owen was full of life. Granted, he was in utero, but he was with us as we made stepping stones two years ago ... as we burned our tree two years ago ... and more ... coming soon ...
Longing to serve with joy and desiring to lead, with my amazing husband, our precious children to have hearts that beat for our Lord. Rejoicing in the love and grace of our Father and the endless blessings He has given us.