Monday, October 4, 2010

In a Funk

We all have these phases, these chapters in our lives, right?  It's not just me?  Times where, even though we recognize we are unbelievably blessed, we are in a funk.  Despite that this is my favorite time of year, despite that I'm loving watching the boys grow and learn with this new school year, despite watching Lydia's personality blossom every day, I'm feeling like I'm in a funk.  Likely the root of this is a laziness in my relationship with God lately. 

After having Owen, I journaled the following:  
It seems when life moves on as normal, we get into a comfortable relationship with Christ, but when life throws you a curve ball like this, from our experience, our relationship with Him grew.  We had and have hope, we could cry out to Him and know that He has a purpose in this, we don’t know what that purpose is and we may not ever understand what that purpose is, but we can cling to the hope that we have in Him.

Not saying that I want another curve ball, but I do want to re-ignite that relationship with Him.  I want to focus more on prayer and set my mind there, instead of lending it to thoughts of my to-do list and instead of borrowing tomorrow's worries today.  In self-reflection, it is almost comical how I needlessly worry about various things when it is clear we are not to worry.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
Matthew 6:34

How blessed are we though, and how blessed am I that despite my laziness and my sinner's heart, He still loves me unconditionally?  It is clear to me that I truly struggle with this character trait, I am, simply said, not good at loving unconditionally.  There are women in my life who model this character trait so strongly.  I pray that I might use God's and their example as a reflection of where my heart longs to be.
This post is a bit on the rambling side, but it is a good reminder to me of where I am, of how I am flawed, of how I need our Saviour, of how I long for my eyes to be a reflection of one filled with the Holy Spirit and how I can change my heart to love unconditionally.  Because really, how can I choose anything but this for my sweet children, my husband, my family and my friends?
May I grow to become an example to others and to my sweet children, like sweet Samuel here ... because no post, no matter how serious is complete without a picture ...


Amy said...

Unfortunately you are not alone in your funk. :( It is so hard to keep walking in the light as we know we should. We may struggle in different areas with it but it is the same sinful nature weighing us down. I was convicted of that this weekend. More of You Lord and less of me!

Will remember you in prayer as I ask God to reignite my fire as well.

Love you!

Melissa C said...

Thanks for sharing this, Heather. I can so relate. And even though life is not normal or comfortable for me right now on this side of the world, I tend to worry so much and just survive life rather than growing and depending on Him.

Renee said...

Heather... you took the words right out of my mouth. I have been thinking this very same thing. I reflect on the awe I felt as I realized during our trying time how often it occured to me God was with me. I find myself struggling daily now that things are good, to keep God at the top of my list instead of at the bottom of my "to do" list.

You are an inspiration for me!

tjschroeder said...

Thanks for your honesty Heather! That is hard to admit sometimes but so true for many of us - God has been mainly part of my job lately, my daily times have been obligatory. I'm working on getting that back to what it used to be though! Can't wait to see you guys!