Bittersweet

Two years ago today we sat in a dimly lit ultrasound room and heard three words that have forever changed us - "incompatible with life."  Today marks the two year anniversary of Owen's diagnosis.  Over the course of the past two years there have been so many occasions, so many things that have caused us to use the descriptor "bittersweet".  Again, as we approach the day, the two year anniversary of Owen's diagnosis, bittersweet is once again the most appropriate descriptor.

Bittersweet:  pleasure alloyed with pain (Merriam-Webster)

This accurately describes many of the feelings we have had over the past two years.  Some feelings definitely are either bitter and painful or clearly sweet and pleasurable.  For example, hearing the words "incompatible with life" burned, it was beyond painful.  But seeing Owen full of life, via ultrasound, at 19 weeks and again at 33 weeks was so, so sweet. 

There are some things which, depending on the day, can cause these emotions to blur.  For example, seeing toddlers the same age that Owen would be (20 months) and wondering if Owen would be at a similar development stage, imagining what his giggle would have sounded like ... would he be babbling?  How big would he be?  Would he have Jack's coarse, brown hair or Samuel's out of control blonde hair?  These ponderings bring us pleasure, but they also burn at times as we question "why Owen?"  But then we are often brought to our knees reminded "why not Owen?"  What we do know is that God is faithful and we have been reminded time and time again, that although we may not understand, God does not make mistakes.

We have grown these past two years.  We have developed an increased trust in God despite not completely understanding God's plan in losing Owen. 

Although our hearts still ache over the loss of Owen, we know that our God is sovereign, we know that we have hope, and we know that losing Owen has also brought us many amazing blessings.

We love you sweet baby Owen!

Side profile of Owen, full of life, sucking on his hand at 33 weeks, via 3D ultrasound.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139: 13-16

One Month

"Every good and perfect gift is from above."  James 1:17

China Girl

Some have asked, and we are suspecting that others are wondering but are not sure how to ask - now that Lydia is here, does that alter our plans to adopt a little girl from China?  Without hesitation, our plan to expand our family with the addition of "China girl" has absolutely not changed, this is something that God has placed on our hearts.

We are still in the "waiting" phase of the adoption process.  The current wait time for a healthy little girl under the age of two is 44 months and increasing.  We are hoping that the wait time will actually start decreasing once the China Center of Adoption Affairs gets to the applications logged in starting in mid-2007.  This is when the requirements for China adoption changed (became more strict) and it is suspected that the number of applications is lower than in previous years.  The following are the things that impact the wait time: 

• the number of infants/children that will be available for adoption and paper ready
• the number of domestic adoptions that will occur within China
• the number of families from around the world who have login dates
• the number of families who will withdraw from the China adoption process due to the increased wait time
• the number of families who will adopt through the Waiting Children program and will no longer have their dossier waiting in the non-special needs line
• the number of families who will switch programs during their process and no longer adopt from China

Before we found out we were expecting, we were in the China Waiting Child program as well.  This is the program to adopt a child with special needs.  While we are waiting on a "healthy" referral, we also have the option to review referrals for children with special needs.  The special needs range from emotional to physical, minor to major.  We could not continue in this program while expecting another child, but we can re-enter into this program, to review waiting child referrals, anytime after Liddybug is 6 months old.  

This year we will also need to update our home study (to include Lydia) and we will need to update our fingerprints (you know, just in case our ones from last year changed - ha ha - there are a "few" things about this process that it's best to just accept and not question).  

While we still affectionately refer to our daughter as China Girl, we are thinking that China Girl will be Sophia Jane, but this will be confirmed once we meet her. 

So, here we are, waiting on God's perfect timing to further expand our family.

Gratitude

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - we are so very blessed.  And, we are humbled as we say thank you to all of you for your prayers and encouragement after Owen's diagnosis and birth and throughout the pregnancy and delivery of Lydia. 

We received a very special, unexpected gift today which brought tears to my eyes ~

To see Lydia's name on this tile and to be reminded of how we prayed for this little one and how God so graciously answered our prayer is overwelming.  Thank you Kaye for this incredible gift.  You all may remember Kaye from this post.  Kaye, we have not met you, but know that you have touched our lives beyond words ...

And, again, thank you to everyone who has prayed with us and for us.  You have been an encouragement.  We love you!

Two Weeks

Lydia is two weeks old today.  So, what has she been up to these past two weeks?  You know, the typical newborn stuff - eating, sleeping, pooping, spitting up and being cuddled. 

Lydia weighs 6 pounds, 15 ounces, only one ounce shy of her 7 pound birth weight.  She is currently in the 10th percentile for weight.  She is 20.5 inches long (I know, she "shrunk" from her birth length) and is in the 75th percentile for length. 

Lydia has fondly earned the nickname "Liddybug" (given to her by who else but her big brother, the bug man, Samuel).  The boys are enjoying their baby sister immensely and love to hold her, talk to her and cuddle her.

Jason and I are still, and forever will be, in awe of God's mercy and grace and are so thankful for this precious gift.  Here she is at two weeks, little Miss Liddybug.

Praying that the new year brings you health, happiness, love and many blessings.