Perfect Architecture

I have a tendency to strive for perfection, to try to do it all, to go above and beyond, to be an overachiever, it's all part of my Martha tendencies (see Being Martha below). I usually don't get excited over being "normal" ... but today, today when we heard "all is normal" I was grateful, I shed tears of relief, tears of gratitude.

He is THE Architect and we are so blessed by His perfect architecture.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

Being Martha

I am a total Martha. There is no denying it. My family used to call me Martha Stewart due to my reputation for baked goods, homemade cards, and a few other things. But I am not referring to Martha Stewart, I am referring to Martha of Bethany. If you have not read this story, I encourage you to do so. Luke 10:38-42 resonates in my heart. I could easily replace "Martha, Martha" with "Heather, Heather."

This past week I had a doctor appointment. I am longing to feel this baby move regularly, I am longing for that physical reminder that "everything is okay" right now. At my appointment it took a little bit to find this little one's heartbeat. I worry about losing this little one. I am selfishly praying and yearning for a healthy, full-term pregnancy and baby ~ a little one that we get to keep here with us.

I also worry that I have a little Martha following in my footsteps. Jack asked again, at my appointment, if this baby is going to live. He then asked when we will know for sure that the baby does not have anencephaly. And yes, he specifically uses that term in every day conversation ~ it is so much for a seven year old, but a precious friend recently reminded me that Jack is going to keep growing with a sensitive, tender heart.

I am prone to worry. As we enter this new week and as we count down the couple of days until our scheduled "routine / normal" ultrasound which was neither routine nor normal back in January 2008, I worry. But, I am also trusting. I am trusting in our God Who saves, our God Who gives us strength, our God Who understands how much we can handle, our God Who carried the burden for our sin, our God Who understands our worry and understands our questions and understands our skepticism, but loves us without hesitation despite it all.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

P.S. If you are also a Martha, I would recommend 'Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World' by Joanna Weaver. I am finding myself deep in self reflection as I absorb the truths found in this book.

All Because of Owen ...

All because of our precious little boy, Jason, Jack, Samuel and I spent last week in Tennessee. We started out the week by driving the approximate 10 hours to Nashville where we visited Wendy's Place, a house for expecting and new moms (part of the Hope Clinic). There, we were able to see and to touch "Owen's tile" as well as tour the house, meet a mom and her precious baby living there, and deliver our donation. These moms, against odds, have chosen life for these babies, these remarkable God created gifts. This is a house where you can feel the warmth and love of our living God. It was a moving and profound experience to be there, to feel that sense of peace and God's grace in such an amazing place.

From there, we ventured East to Pigeon Forge where we spent the week at the Inn at Christmas Place. A little Christmas in July anyone? We were a little apprehensive about our choice in accommodations, fearing that the Inn may be a little "cheesy" but when we pulled in, we knew we were in for a real treat. Our experiences at the Inn could certainly pull us back to Tennessee sometime in the future. In addition to enjoying the Inn, we spent the week making other memories ~ swimming, visiting an aquarium, hiking up the side of a mountain to see a waterfall (okay, the boys were not thrilled about this), riding the rides at Dollywood, go-carting, mini-golfing on the side of a mountain, playing (my being defeated at) Skip-Bo, watching Christmas movies every night before bed, laughing, enjoying silliness ... it was a wonderful week! And, the boys fared well in the car on the way down there and did even better on the way back. I think it's normal for a four year old to wonder if we are in Wisconsin yet even though we just left the hotel in Tennessee, right?

We praise our God for His endless gifts, the time we were able to spend together and the gifts we were able to bring to Tennessee. Of course, our hearts yearn to have our little boy here, and we don't understand, but we are blessed ...

Tennessee or Bust!

T-minus 7 hours before we hit the road on our way to The Hope Clinic in Nashville with our tote of goodies for the mommies and their precious babies in memory of Owen and in celebration of his 1st birthday (see this post for more information).

Sundays with Owen

On a warm, sunny day in May 2008, Jason, the boys and I walked through the cemetery on a quest to find the "perfect" resting spot for our little Owen. No mother should ever have to be on this quest as her child wiggles inside of her, so full of life. But, this was the reality of our situation.

We wanted to find a spot that we would all be comfortable visiting, that we would find peace in. Oh, we know that Owen is not really there. We are confident that he is safe in the arms of our Heavenly Father, but it still brings us comfort and peace to spend time, as a family, hanging out at the cemetery.

Visiting Owen Through the Seasons

Summer 2008 - We played baseball, football and soccer in the beautiful green space by Owen

Summer 2008 - Lounging and relaxing on a blanket under the tree by Owen

Autumn 2008 - Our Favorite Season

Celebrating Autumn

Winter 2008 - Building a Snowman & a Fort

Spring 2009 - The Flowering Crab in Full Bloom

May 30, 2009 - Celebrating Owen's Birthday
Summer 2009 - Traditional Sunday Picnic

Priceless

Mailing Envelope ... $2.29

UPS Ground Shipping to Virginia ... $8.43

Completed Dossier on Its Way to Our Adoption Agency to be Sent to China ... PRICELESS