Perfect Architecture

I have a tendency to strive for perfection, to try to do it all, to go above and beyond, to be an overachiever, it's all part of my Martha tendencies (see Being Martha below). I usually don't get excited over being "normal" ... but today, today when we heard "all is normal" I was grateful, I shed tears of relief, tears of gratitude.

He is THE Architect and we are so blessed by His perfect architecture.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

Being Martha

I am a total Martha. There is no denying it. My family used to call me Martha Stewart due to my reputation for baked goods, homemade cards, and a few other things. But I am not referring to Martha Stewart, I am referring to Martha of Bethany. If you have not read this story, I encourage you to do so. Luke 10:38-42 resonates in my heart. I could easily replace "Martha, Martha" with "Heather, Heather."

This past week I had a doctor appointment. I am longing to feel this baby move regularly, I am longing for that physical reminder that "everything is okay" right now. At my appointment it took a little bit to find this little one's heartbeat. I worry about losing this little one. I am selfishly praying and yearning for a healthy, full-term pregnancy and baby ~ a little one that we get to keep here with us.

I also worry that I have a little Martha following in my footsteps. Jack asked again, at my appointment, if this baby is going to live. He then asked when we will know for sure that the baby does not have anencephaly. And yes, he specifically uses that term in every day conversation ~ it is so much for a seven year old, but a precious friend recently reminded me that Jack is going to keep growing with a sensitive, tender heart.

I am prone to worry. As we enter this new week and as we count down the couple of days until our scheduled "routine / normal" ultrasound which was neither routine nor normal back in January 2008, I worry. But, I am also trusting. I am trusting in our God Who saves, our God Who gives us strength, our God Who understands how much we can handle, our God Who carried the burden for our sin, our God Who understands our worry and understands our questions and understands our skepticism, but loves us without hesitation despite it all.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

P.S. If you are also a Martha, I would recommend 'Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World' by Joanna Weaver. I am finding myself deep in self reflection as I absorb the truths found in this book.

All Because of Owen ...

All because of our precious little boy, Jason, Jack, Samuel and I spent last week in Tennessee. We started out the week by driving the approximate 10 hours to Nashville where we visited Wendy's Place, a house for expecting and new moms (part of the Hope Clinic). There, we were able to see and to touch "Owen's tile" as well as tour the house, meet a mom and her precious baby living there, and deliver our donation. These moms, against odds, have chosen life for these babies, these remarkable God created gifts. This is a house where you can feel the warmth and love of our living God. It was a moving and profound experience to be there, to feel that sense of peace and God's grace in such an amazing place.

From there, we ventured East to Pigeon Forge where we spent the week at the Inn at Christmas Place. A little Christmas in July anyone? We were a little apprehensive about our choice in accommodations, fearing that the Inn may be a little "cheesy" but when we pulled in, we knew we were in for a real treat. Our experiences at the Inn could certainly pull us back to Tennessee sometime in the future. In addition to enjoying the Inn, we spent the week making other memories ~ swimming, visiting an aquarium, hiking up the side of a mountain to see a waterfall (okay, the boys were not thrilled about this), riding the rides at Dollywood, go-carting, mini-golfing on the side of a mountain, playing (my being defeated at) Skip-Bo, watching Christmas movies every night before bed, laughing, enjoying silliness ... it was a wonderful week! And, the boys fared well in the car on the way down there and did even better on the way back. I think it's normal for a four year old to wonder if we are in Wisconsin yet even though we just left the hotel in Tennessee, right?

We praise our God for His endless gifts, the time we were able to spend together and the gifts we were able to bring to Tennessee. Of course, our hearts yearn to have our little boy here, and we don't understand, but we are blessed ...

Tennessee or Bust!

T-minus 7 hours before we hit the road on our way to The Hope Clinic in Nashville with our tote of goodies for the mommies and their precious babies in memory of Owen and in celebration of his 1st birthday (see this post for more information).

Sundays with Owen

On a warm, sunny day in May 2008, Jason, the boys and I walked through the cemetery on a quest to find the "perfect" resting spot for our little Owen. No mother should ever have to be on this quest as her child wiggles inside of her, so full of life. But, this was the reality of our situation.

We wanted to find a spot that we would all be comfortable visiting, that we would find peace in. Oh, we know that Owen is not really there. We are confident that he is safe in the arms of our Heavenly Father, but it still brings us comfort and peace to spend time, as a family, hanging out at the cemetery.

Visiting Owen Through the Seasons

Summer 2008 - We played baseball, football and soccer in the beautiful green space by Owen

Summer 2008 - Lounging and relaxing on a blanket under the tree by Owen

Autumn 2008 - Our Favorite Season

Celebrating Autumn

Winter 2008 - Building a Snowman & a Fort

Spring 2009 - The Flowering Crab in Full Bloom

May 30, 2009 - Celebrating Owen's Birthday
Summer 2009 - Traditional Sunday Picnic

Priceless

Mailing Envelope ... $2.29

UPS Ground Shipping to Virginia ... $8.43

Completed Dossier on Its Way to Our Adoption Agency to be Sent to China ... PRICELESS

While We're Waiting

While we wait on our precious daughter from China,
Our family will grow by two additional feet …

Our next addition is due to arrive December 22nd, 2009.

That's right, we are expecting. Our hearts are warmed to announce this. We know that there is still uncertainty as to what the outcome of this pregnancy will be, but we know that God's will and plan will unfold. We also know that we must trust in Him. We are excited to anticipate another addition to our family and feel so blessed to anticipate another child as we also continue to pursue adoption.

We have had two ultrasounds, one at 8 weeks during which we could see this sweet baby's heartbeat and one at nearly 13 weeks when we could see the most beautifully shaped round little head ever. What a completely overwhelming gift to see that it looks like this baby will not have a neural tube disorder.

As I've mentioned before, I cannot post without a photo. So, here it is. This is our water cooler at work. I have two women on my team who are also expecting (both due in November), it appears to be an epidemic in our department. Thus, this is how I announced my pregnancy at work.

So grateful to all of you who have prayerfully lifted us up and have helped us journey to this point. Love you.

While I'm Waiting
John Fuller

I'm waiting ... I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful ... I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful ... But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident ...Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting ... I will serve You

While I'm waiting ... I will worship

While I'm waiting ... I will not faint

I'll be running the race ... Even while I wait

I'm waiting ... I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful ... I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy ... But faithfully, I will wait ... Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting ... I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting ... I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting ... I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Oh Nuts

We have a new addition to my purse and our medicine cupboard - an EpiPen. A little over a week ago Samuel suddenly became sick after eating a brownie and then again he became sick this past week after eating part of a scrumptious butterhorn that my sweet friend made. After he got sick, he felt better immediately. What did these two yummy foods have in common? Walnuts! Could it be an allergy?

Samuel was tested over the winter for environmental allergies. This is when we found out he is allergic to many grasses, trees, weeds, cats and cockroaches (yes, they test for that!). Knowing that he is sensitive and seems prone to allergies (we still haven't found a sunscreen that doesn't give him a rash!), we called the Allergy Doctor last week and reported our suspicion of a nut allergy. This resulted in a visit to the doctor today. I thought maybe we were overreacting and trying to self-diagnosis (with the help of Web MD, of course - and, seriously, what did we do before the internet?).

Our suspicion was confirmed. This little man has grown an allergy to tree nuts (walnuts, brazil nuts, hazelnuts, pecans, cashews, almonds, etc.). Unfortunately, nut allergies are not something typically outgrown. Samuel is not, however, allergic to peanuts or peanut butter (yet) ~ we are thankful for that!!!!

Thus, we begin a new season of carefully reading labels, educating ourselves, and keeping a strict eye on what Samuel eats.

And, because I just could not post without picture ... here he is, our nutty guy who will be kept away from tree nuts!

Happy Anniversary, My Love

After 17 years of knowing you and on our 10 year wedding anniversary, just needed to say ...

I love you …
I love how your heart beats for our Lord ….
I love how you show you love me ….
I love how you lead our family ...
I love the example you set for our boys …
I love your determination …
I love how you say you’re going to bike 60 miles and then bike over 100 …
I love your tenderness and sensitivity …
I love how your personality balances out mine ….
I love how we have grown together ...
I love your distinguished, changing hair color (couldn’t resist) …
I love the man you are ...

Happy Anniversary, My Love

Tall Oaks from Little Acorns Grow - Part II

Look at this little man! It’s the last day of 1st grade and as soon as that last bell rang, we knew we had a 2nd grader among us. What a year of growth it has been for Jack ~ physical, emotional, intellectual and social. It’s been a fun year and a memorable year, a year of stressing good choices, and a year that had some "interesting" moments. Should one be flattered or a little worried when their child’s 1st grade teacher comments that he may be the next Robin Williams???

Jack on His 1st Day of 1st Grade (September '08)

Jack in Action - Soccer (Fall '08 / Spring '09 Team)
Jack on His Last Day of 1st Grade (June '09)
A Last Day Filled with Fun (Field Day 2009) Jack and His Fabulous Teacher(Shhhh ... she was also my 1st grade teacher)

Silly, silly Jack, we are so proud of you!