Fullness of Grace

Four Years

2012-01-31T06:14:00.000-06:00

While I have done a good job of neglecting this dear blog of mine, today is a day that cannot go by without a few words of rememberance. Four years ago today we received news that would forever change us. Four years ago we became all too familiar with a diagnosis of "incompatible with life." Four years ago, we walked in a state of disbelief, a state of sadness.

Yes, we continue to mourn and miss Owen. And, yes, moments continue to be bittersweet (read here for more thoughts on this anniversary). But, we have learned to live through the here and now. And, we have learned to lean on and lean into our Father. We have learned so much over these four years.

Owen, you are forever in our hearts ... we love you ... we miss you ... we have been blessed through you, sweet little one. We will never take for granted the time you were given to us here.

When Love Takes You In

2012-01-29T21:17:00.000-06:00

Please remember to pause music at bottom of blog page ...

Fresh Footprints ...

2011-12-24T14:53:00.001-06:00

In the Morning Snow ...

All Bundled Up with Places to Go ...

Hoping that It Snows and Snows ...

Building a Snowman with a ~~Carrot~~ Charcoal Nose ...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Merry Christmas from our home to yours.

Glory to the Newborn King!

The Birthday Girl

2011-12-18T21:16:00.000-06:00

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweet ~~Baby~~ Little Girl! You are two already! Oh, the joy you bring us!

Here's what you are up to:

You are a big girl ~ while your two year appointment isn't until this next week, at your last appointment you were in the 75th percentile for height and in the 80th percentile for weight. And, you have quite the buddha belly ~ maybe it's from your fondness of "i-cream."

You are starting to talk more and more which can be a challenge in our house with the chatter of the boys. Perhaps that is why we often hear you speaking in a higher and louder octave and saying things multiple times. You want to be heard! Some of your popular phrases right now ~

"Look it, look it"
"I touch it?" (You want to touch everything! Including the moon - Daddy keeps telling you that in order to touch the moon you need to be an astronaut)
"Come!" (While patting the floor / seat next to you and then waving your pudgy fingers at us)
"Maizey No!" (Hmmm ... must get that from me)
"Boys!!!" (You will often call Jack and Samuel Boys and then insert one of the above of your favorite phrases)
"Pa-rump-pum-pum" (Little Drummer Boy is your favorite Christmas song right now)
"No Monkeys Bed" (Said while waving your finger no)

You have been learning a few new tricks as well ~ you still use sign language for please and you are proud to march around with two (or a few more) fingers up saying "two." And, one of the most endearing to us is that you cradle your arms and say "baby" and then do sign for Jesus and say "Jesus." Oh, how precious and sweet.

You LOVE your baby dolls and your new stroller is fabulous! You are also loving your little high chair / seat that you got for your babies. And, the Christmas tree, oh the Christmas tree. It is amazing to look at the Christmas tree and decorations through the awe and wonder that you are exhibiting. Now, if only you would stop taking the ornaments off the tree, little lady!

We are still in awe that God would bless us with you, sweet little one.

You and Samuel celebrating your birthdays last weekend.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Liddybug! We love you so very much!

The Golden Boy

2011-12-07T21:39:00.001-06:00

Today is Samuel's 7th Birthday, his Golden Birthday. Last year I described Samuel here. Well, Samuel is Samuel, the core of his being and his personality have not changed dramatically over the past year. He continues to bring us joy, to make us laugh and to bring us to tears. He is persistent, persistent, persistent!

Here is a small glimpse into our Samuel ... received a call from his teacher yesterday, nothing earth-shattering, just a report that Samuel has been losing focus (he's been a "bit" preoccupied with the excitement of it being birthday month) and that when he was supposed to be narrating a story about an owl, he wrote two words. We are very close to Samuel's teacher (she was my 1st grade teacher and Jack's teacher) and appreciate these calls of awareness. Oh, how we adore her. Anyway, back to the story. Here's my and Samuel's exchange last night regarding this topic:

Me: "I heard that you talked about owls today."
Samuel: "Yep"
Me: "Did you have to write a story about owls?"
Samuel: "Yep, but I didn't have time to finish."
Me: "Really? No time to finish?"
Samuel (with a twinkle in his eyes): "Really."
Me: "I heard you wrote two words, and that was your story."
Samuel: "BUT, they were two really good, big words."
Me: "Oh, that's great. What were they?"
Samuel (with a smirk): "The tree"
Me (with a chuckle and near eye roll): "The tree? Wow"

So, there we have it ... a glimpse into life with Samuel.

Happy 7th Birthday, Sweet Samuel! We love you!

It's Beginning to Look ...

2011-12-04T21:18:00.000-06:00

I may bite my tongue later, but it would be nice to say that it's beginning to look a lot like a WHITE Christmas. But, so far only rain. That, however, did not hinder a weekend of Christmas tradition ...

1. The annual women's luncheon at church where Nikki and I turned a vision into a stunning table (I know, I'm bias, but the table was beautiful!). The morning was enjoyed with some of the sweet ladies in my life (for more information and photos, see Nikki's blog here).

2. Pepper McTwist (aka, our Elf on the Shelf) is back and up to mischief.

3. A fun night with sweet friends including going to a nearby Living Nativity. I didn't get any photos of this, because, well, the weather was a bit miserable. We were all bundled up, sitting on hay bales, under blankets and umbrellas, watching the story of Mary and Joseph unfold before our eyes. The children did wonderful, not one complaint. And, we couldn't help but reflect on the fact that although we were sitting in the rain watching, Mary and Joseph had less than ideal circumstances surrounding ~~their~~ His story. Really? Baby Jesus? In a feeding trough. Amazing ... truly amazing.

4. To cap things off, the annual Cocoa & Carols service at church.

Ah, a tradition and blessing filled weekend ...

Little Helpers

2011-11-20T15:03:00.000-06:00

This is a weekend rich in tradition for us. Jason heads up north with his dad and brother, and the kiddos and I find ourselves in activity including such things as decorating the house for Christmas, making ornaments for gifts, watching our first official viewing of Elf for the season, and meeting Grandma for lunch.

Admittedly, decorating the house has historically been, at times, more stressful than joyful for me as the boys have been so anxious to help (um, so I may have mentioned a few times that I am a bit of a control freak and have many "Martha" tendencies). I would fret over things that didn't matter as the boys insisted on unpacking the bins of decorations in their little boy ways.

I'm not sure what it was this weekend (well, I'm pretty confident that it could have only been a peace from God), but this year was very different. My vantage point had totally changed. I saw the boys as helpful, and I truly appreciated their giddiness as they removed decorations from the bins. Of course, some innate personality quirks did take over, and I did have to do some directing of where to place things. However, I did allow the boys a little creative freedom.

Evidence of the creative freedom - you will find these little crayon cars "parked" in various places in the village. Here they are at the Snow Factory.

A wise friend has told me many times (and far more eloquently than I'm going to write here) that we need to cherish each and every day and not get caught up in the little things.

Now, the test will be this - will I really let anyone help decorate the Christmas tree and will I NOT move ornaments after little ones go to bed? Hmmm ... that will be a test!

Double Digits

2011-10-23T22:10:00.000-05:00

It's been a tradition-filled past few days as we celebrated Jack's birthday ... the boy entered the realm of double digits. How can it be? It seems like just yesterday that this guy was known as "Baby Jack" and then "Jackers" to many. Now, it's just Jack (admittedly, an occassional Jackers does resonate within our walls though).

Jack, you are a fun-loving, enthusiastic boy. We are so proud of you! Happy 10th Birthday, Jackers!

Make a slideshow design

First Day of School ... A Little Tardy

2011-09-30T22:06:00.000-05:00

Well, hello there. Remember me? Life in general and falling into a school year rhythm has kept us a bit occupied. In addition, I had been preparing for and was on a business trip (here’s a hint as to where I was).

Finally, here is one of our annual first day of school pictures. Jack is in 4th grade now and rules the roost at the elementary school, and Samuel is in 1st grade. Once again, we are blessed with amazing teachers. If this past first month of the school year is any indication of what the remainder of the school year will be like, it’s going to be a really good year. Jack has been having some really, and I quote, “awesome-dy awesome” days. And, Samuel is really enjoying life as a 1st grader with a teacher that I also had in 1st grade and Jack had as well. Tradition and memories, bliss.

And, this little lady? She is adjusting to the boys being gone during the day. For the first week of the school year, she cried when the boys got out of the car to go into school ... we're not sure if she was sad that they were leaving or if she was just mad that she wasn't going with them. As innocent as she looks, this sweet one is our little “master of disaster” leaving a wake where she goes.

Flower Picking

2011-08-28T21:08:00.000-05:00

Maizey has been picking flowers again ... ~~for Lydia~~ ...

to destroy.

Maizey is definitely our "Marley" dog!

Because Everyone Deserves a Lifetime ...

2011-08-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

1. Weekend

2. Walk

3. Days

4. A Cure

The Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure

Chicago

August 5-7, 2011

Lydia's New Friend

2011-08-01T21:55:00.000-05:00

Meet "little green man" ~

This is Lydia's new friend. Unfortunately, "little green man" lives in St. Louis. Bummer. Lydia was obsessed with her new "friend" that she met at a water park last week. She kept walking up to "him" saying "hi" in her sweet little toddler voice.

And, she even had hugs for the "little green man."

I couldn't help but be reminded of Kelly's daughter Harper at Kelly's Korner who was enamored by the mannequins at Old Navy. So funny!

Our Summer ... In Photos

2011-07-12T21:50:00.000-05:00

I've been an awful blogger lately! So much so that I'm almost tempted to give in and join Facebook! So, what has been keeping us busy? You can get a glimpse into some of our summer fun on these photos ... a "school's out" weekend in Door Co., Jack's first overnight camp (three nights of many adventures) with his cousins, lots of baseball games (no photos yet), 4th of July festivities, home improvement projects, and just general summer-time fun.

Hope you are having a blessed, fun-filled summer!

Little Miss Independent

2011-06-21T21:58:00.000-05:00

A couple of weekends ago we ventured to an Air Show, and it was hot! As a treat we stopped at a favorite ice cream “parlor” afterward. We all (Jason, Jack, Samuel and I) got our cones, and I picked up a spoon so that I could share with Lydia. Well, turns out, the girl just isn’t into sharing these days. Nor does she want help. She wants to do it herself. It was really cute … at first. The cuteness wore off when the ice cream started dripping, and she refused to give up “her” cone. This was accompanied by not-so-cute screaming and crying (let me clarify … by Lydia … I was refraining from these behaviors ... this time).

How often am I like that? So independent that I have a hard time accepting the help of others? And, so selfish that I am just worried about myself? Ouch. How many times do I “throw a fit” because I can’t have what I want or do what I want? Too many times to count or to keep track of (and, thankfully so, because who wants all that being kept track of?). Aren’t we blessed that our Father doesn’t keep track? That He loves us despite our selfishness, despite our “I can do it myself” attitudes? And, that He is the ultimate example of selflessness? Jesus’ death has provided life for us. What a gift we have in that.

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” James 3:16-17

A New Chapter

2011-06-09T21:52:00.001-05:00

When I get into a good book, I have a really hard time putting it down. I have been known to sacrifice sleep, reading by my little book light into the wee hours of the night. And, then, as I finish chapters and finally the book, I am disappointed that there's no more. That's kind of how I feel about this past school year. It was such a fulfilling and rich year with so much growth and learning, not only for the boys but for us as well. New relationships with teachers, new life experiences, so much. I have said it before, and I pray that I will continue to feel this way, but our experiences in this community and with this public school system have been so positive. We are so blessed.

And, so now, a new chapter begins as we move into summer break and the few months that separate the boys from officially becoming 4th and 1st graders.

The Ceremonial Last Day of School Photos - 2011

And, of course, little sister wanted her picture taken too!

You may remember this post, the 1st day of school, these boys have grown so much (as has this little lady).

Three Blue Balloons

2011-05-30T16:19:00.000-05:00

Happy 3rd Birthday, Sweet Owen!

We love you, Sweet Little Boy and miss you so!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

China Girl** Update

2011-05-13T18:26:00.000-05:00

We've been getting questions on the status of the adoption process, so here it is. Our dossier has been in China for nearly two years. The current wait time for "healthy" little girls under the age of two is approximately five years. Yes, five years. Unfortunately, the wait time does not seem to be getting any shorter. However, we do know that in mid-2007 the requirements for adoption through China changed, becoming more stringent. Perhaps once the China government gets to mid-2007 dossiers the wait time will start getting shorter?

We continue to be in the pipeline to review referrals of special needs children as well. We have, however, requested that any referral we review is of a little one younger than Lydia as we would prefer not to break birth order. For now, we are content with the waiting. But, I do know that as the months and perhaps years tick away, we will become anxious. We often wonder when we will get to meet our little girl - how old will the kids be when China Girl officially becomes a part of our family? We know that we will need to lean on God for strength and patience as we continue the journey.

We often talk about what life will be like when China Girl is here - how will our family dynamic change? We keep little reminders here and there to remind us of our future daughter. One of our reminders is this little kimono dress from China that Lydia is sporting (one day China Girl will wear this - perhaps it will flow a little better on her as Lydia's generous belly stops a bit of the flow - ha ha).

**For anyone new to my blog, please know that we refer to our daughter as China Girl in a loving and affectionate way. When we began the adoption process, this was how these guys could understand describing their one day sister.

Then & Now

2011-04-20T21:20:00.001-05:00

Easter 2010

Palm Sunday 2011

My Grandma

2011-04-16T14:55:00.001-05:00

This time of year brings so many emotions ranging from deep pain to glorious celebration for many reasons. Namely, we mourn Christ's crucifixion, and we wonder in awe how God would so intentionally choose to sacrifice his Son for us, sinners in this world. Easter then culminates in glorious celebration as we rejoice knowing that Christ rose from the grave to save us.

Spring and the Easter season also bring me to reflect on life and loss in general.  In a little over a week, we will celebrate and we will mourn the loss of my sweet friend's daughter. Elizabeth would have been celebrating her 3rd birthday. Oh, how we miss Elizabeth, and we continue to wonder why? A question that may never be answered this side of heaven. We also near Owen's 3rd birthday, and we continue traditions that we were able to make when Owen was full of life in utero ... burning the Christmas tree, making stepping stones, and the Awana Grand Prix, to name a few.

In addition, we approach the anniversary of my Grandma's passing.  At the end of the month, it will be 10 years ago that my Grandma passed away. It saddens me that my children never met her, never tasted the fruit of her labor.  We did get to tell Grandma that we were expecting (Jack) literally days before she left this earth.

So many little things remind me of Grandma - flowers and baking especially.  And, with that aprons. It seems aprons have become popular and trendy again, and that makes me smile. A couple of months ago I won this fun apron in a giveaway.

It makes me think of my Grandma. She was a pastry chef, a really good pastry chef. She made the best sticky buns ever, ever! In fact, I haven't even had a sticky bun or attempted to make them since Grandma passed. I'm convinced that nothing could compare. One of Grandma's other specialties was pies. She helped me win blue ribbons with homemade pies for 4-H at the county fair when I was in junior high (okay, so I think my memory is a little skewed as I know she did far more than "help" me, I'm pretty sure that she did the work while I sat at her kitchen counter observing and probably snacking).

Pies seem to be regaining popularity again as well. So, in memory of my Grandma, I donned my apron, tinkered in the kitchen and whipped up this little rustic blueberry crumble top pie. It was good ... but not as good as Grandma's.

I miss my Grandma, especially this time of year as we are surrounded by so many reflections of life, loss, and immeasurable blessings. While we remember lives lost, I pray that we also turn our eyes toward heaven and remember what Christ did for us.

Pause music at bottom of blog to listen to Casting Crown's Glorious Day.

Three Weeks Later ...

2011-04-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

Contentment

2011-04-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope ..."

Romans 15:13

Smocked Dresses and Little Monkey Toes

2011-04-03T14:43:00.000-05:00

Today I pulled this sweet little smocked dress out of Lydia's closet (with long sleeves under it, of course, as this is Spring in the Midwest).

Jason's first comment was that he was wondering if Lydia was wearing a curtain. That's okay, we won't judge him just because he doesn't understand little girl fashion. I told him that if we lived in the South, Lydia would just blend in with the other little girls in an outfit such as this. His response - maybe we should move south? With the weather we have been having, that does sound enticing! Thanks to Kelly at Kelly's Korner for influencing Lydia's wardrobe. I LOVE how Kelly dresses her little girls - so sweet. And, just for the record, Kelly does live in the south. And, just being honest here, I do get a little giddy when I see that Lydia has the same or a similar outfit that Kelly's daughter Harper has.

Aren't Lydia's shoes so sweet as well? I stumbled across a (non-Etsy) fun site - Little Monkey Toes with a crazy selection of shoes for children, along with other fun boutique items. While these little shoes did not come from Little Monkey Toes, they do sell this brand, and I did buy a different pair of cute shoes for Lydia from Little Monkey Toes, likely for Fall, a couple of weeks ago. Great customer service, so personable! If you "like" them on Facebook, you can get advance notice of special sales and discounts. Almost makes me want to give in and get on Facebook ... almost.

I know, I'm a little obsessed with dressing our little girl. I do not take for granted how blessed we are that I can splurge on sweet little dresses, shoes, and hair accessories for Lydia (and to be put away for China Girl). This smocked dress came from eBay as did the shoes - both new and both discounted. I have picked up a few things from Zulily, a site with daily deals and discounts, and I tend to buy ahead, off season if I can, to find better deals. So, that's that.

On a different note, my project referenced below is coming along and is nearly finished. Every day life has consumed us these days with not much extra time for crafting!!! Here's a peak at what I'm working on. Can you guess?

It's a gloomy day here in the Midwest, perfect for crafting. Maybe I'll get this done yet!

Inspired

2011-03-19T14:10:00.000-05:00

I would love to learn how to sew, there are so many amazing patterns and fabrics available ... how I would love to make Lydia peasant dresses, apron knot dresses, ruffle pants, and other adorable handmade treasures that I stumble upon when exploring Etsy. And, I'm sure the boys wouldn't mind me whipping them up super cool costumes and such. But, I'm just not that skilled and one could argue that I really don't have any waking hours to fit that in at this phase in our lives.

But, I really do enjoy projects, creating and crafting, and I have been wanting to tackle what seems like a pretty easy project for some time now. I finally got the supplies ...

I am anxious to see how this little project comes together. Stay tuned ...

More Etsy Fun

2011-03-13T09:17:00.001-05:00

I realize that I have had nothing thought-provoking to post on lately. Rather I seem to be doing a lot of blogging about Etsy ... maybe I should have chosen a career in marketing? Ha ha. Consistent with my slight obsession with Etsy, check out Ellison's here or at http://www.etsy.com/shop/Ellisons, where you will find fun, new products added - lots of super cute stuff for Spring and Summer!!!

A few of my personal favorites ...

The "Going on a Picnic" Korker

The "Sweet Watermelon" Korker

The Ladybug Clip - so, so cute!

The RaggieMuffin

And, these elegant flower clips ... would be so perfect for Easter!

Of course, there's lots more, but I'll let you check those out ...

Super Fun Giveaway

2011-03-05T13:10:00.000-06:00

I believe I have clearly established that I have a fondness for hand made wares ... personalization ... monogramming .... and of course, Etsy, because that's where I find much of these treasures. And, who doesn't love a giveaway? Hop over to www.etsy.com/shop/HangtoDry, click on the banner and see how you can win a year's supply of personalized tees! These are stinkin' adorable!

And, speaking of adorable ... here is additional proof of my love for personalization. Check out those teeth!

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

2011-02-27T07:58:00.000-06:00

Today is Jason’s Grandpa’s birthday. Oh, how we love this man! He is gracious and kind. He welcomes everyone with a loving heart. And, what a personality, his sense of humor is infectious!

February 2009

Surrounded by the Great-Grandkids ...

I love hearing Jason, his siblings, and their cousins reminisce about their youth and memories of times spent with their Grandpa … many of the memories include fishing, time spent at his "rustic" cabin, and ping pong. In fact, Grandpa Lorenz is affectionately known as "Ping Pong Charlie" to many.

January 2010

With the Liddybug ...

Happy Birthday to a very special Grandpa! What a blessing you are to so many! We love you!

Too Cute Tuesday ... on Wednesday

2011-02-16T20:20:00.000-06:00

Hop over to Baby Be Blessed and see this little stinker with her Baby Be Blessed baby doll on Too Cute Tuesday (yesterday)!

Baby Be Blessed is a super neat ministry "spreading the word of God ... one doll at a time." As we mentioned in our note to Tina, the founder, this is a ministry we discovered after losing Owen, giving even more meaning to Lydia's baby doll.

Be sure to head back to their blog on Fridays for their very generous "Yay ... Free Friday" giveaways. And, go to their website here to see all of their fun baby dolls and products.

Our Little Loves

2011-02-14T06:14:00.002-06:00

Valentine's (Eve) Day - 2011

Valentine's Day - 2010

"And ... the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

3-Day for the Cure

2011-02-05T07:39:00.000-06:00

In February, we may think about pink as it relates to Valentine's Day ... this February my mind is consumed with pink as I think about starting to fundraise, and oh yes, train for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day walk again in Chicago. Yep, I'm back!!! And, I'm quite excited. Six months from today, I will be hitting the pavement with a couple of close friends and thousands of strangers as we begin our 60-mile trek to raise awareness and funds for Breast Cancer research.

A while back, I wrote about my amazing friend Elizabeth here - so happy to join Elizabeth again after a 3 year break and excited for another friend to join us this year as well for her first 3-Day adventure. Will it bring sweltering heat? Torrential downpours? Blown over tents? "Take shelter immediately" warnings? Sunshine? These things are yet to be seen, but we do know that it will bring tears of joy and tears of sadness, sweat, blisters, laughter, sore muscles, encouragement ... all for a cause that has likely impacted all of us in some way.

Please pray with me for those who are walking and raising awareness for Breast Cancer ... please pray for those who have lost loved ones to Breast Cancer ... please pray and rejoice for those who are celebrating God's gift of conquering their battle with Breast Cancer ... please be in prayer with me as we approach this amazing event.

If you are in a position to donate, you can find my personal page here.

Three Years

2011-01-31T07:28:00.000-06:00

Another year has passed since our first ultrasound with Owen and his diagnosis, yet our feelings are much the same, so many moments that can be best described as bittersweet. The following is what I posted last year on the anniversary of Owen's diagnosis, repeated again today as so much of it continues to be relevant as it may always be as we miss Owen.

Bittersweet
Originally posted January 31st, 2010
Dates / references to years have been updated to reflect today, January 31st, 2011

Three years ago today we sat in a dimly lit ultrasound room and heard three words that have forever changed us - "incompatible with life." Today marks the three year anniversary of Owen's diagnosis. Over the course of the past three years there have been so many occasions, so many things that have caused us to use the descriptor "bittersweet". Again, as we approach the day, the three year anniversary of Owen's diagnosis, bittersweet is once again the most appropriate descriptor.

Bittersweet: pleasure alloyed with pain (Merriam-Webster)

This accurately describes many of the feelings we have had over the past three years. Some feelings definitely are either bitter and painful or clearly sweet and pleasurable. For example, hearing the words "incompatible with life" burned, it was beyond painful. But seeing Owen full of life, via ultrasound, at 19 weeks and again at 33 weeks was so, so sweet.

There are some things which, depending on the day, can cause these emotions to blur. For example, seeing toddlers the same age that Owen would be and wondering if Owen would be at a similar development stage, imagining what his giggle would have sounded like ... How big would he be? Would he have Jack's coarse, brown hair or Samuel's out of control blonde hair? These ponderings bring us pleasure, but they also burn at times as we question "why Owen?" But then we are often brought to our knees reminded "why not Owen?" What we do know is that God is faithful and we have been reminded time and time again, that although we may not understand, God does not make mistakes.

We have grown these past three years. We have developed an increased trust in God despite not completely understanding God's plan in losing Owen.

Although our hearts still ache over the loss of Owen, we know that our God is sovereign, we know that we have hope, and we know that losing Owen has also brought us many amazing blessings.

We love you sweet baby Owen!

Side profile of Owen, full of life, sucking on his hand at 33 weeks, via 3D ultrasound.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 13-16

An Etsy Favorite ... The Pillowcase Dress

2011-01-29T15:41:00.000-06:00

May 9th, 2010 ~ It's a dress!

January 29th, 2011 ~ It's a top!

And ... she's outta here!

Perspective

2011-01-18T21:57:00.000-06:00

Isn't it crazy how quickly our perspective can change? I see Jack as a little boy quickly growing into a little man. Being our oldest and seeing that he is in 3rd grade, nearly the oldest at the elementary school, makes him the "big kid on campus" at home and at school. This past weekend, however, I got a different perspective. Jack's 3rd grade class formed a children's choir for the high school's choral and band "Sounds of the Season" concert (originally scheduled for December but rescheduled to this past weekend due to the blizzard we had in December).

Jack's class sang one song by themselves and two songs with the high schoolers. Sigh ... standing up there with all of the high schoolers gave a whole new perspective ... a perspective of innocence and youth. Jack and his friends looked so small in comparison to the high schoolers. And, of course, this emotional mama had a wandering mind and heart, thinking forward to how soon it will be that Jack will be a teenager, how quickly it will be upon us when we are cheering him on in high school activities (and are also faced with greater than pint-sized challenges). I am doing what I can to grasp these moments and cherish each of them, storing them in my heart.

Video clip of the song the children's choir sang - "Snow is Falling Still"

(video taken by a friend whose daughter is the cute blond girl that is on the riser above Jack)

Please pause music at bottom of page to watch video

Jack and Some of His Buddies

The grand finale, "O Come All Ye Faithful", was amazing with the high school band, the high school choirs and the 3rd grade children's choir coming together - quite a group!

Admittedly, and certainly not a surprise, being in a public school system has its challenges, but we are so blessed by this community, by the opportunities our children have, and by the incredible teaching staff.

Cousins

2011-01-08T12:51:00.001-06:00

In Jason's family, it seems that the babies come by 2, not twins but counterpart cousins. Thus, each of our children has a cousin about the same age as them. And, we all live within 20 minutes or so of each other. How great is that?

This morning, Jack and his cousin happened to have a basketball game against each other. Unknowingly, their respective coaches even matched them up so that they were guarding each other. These boys have similar characteristics and personalities. Admittedly, I've said it before, and maybe it goes without saying, but there's just some things about nine year old boys that I don't understand. Jack and Ethan are only 12 days apart in age and are good buds. And, they played a great game against each other this morning with great sportsmanship!

I needed to take a picture of Samuel and his counterpart cousin as well. Isn't she sweet? Ellison has such a fun personality. Often times, when she and Samuel are together you will find them immersed in 6 year old humor and holding hands! Samuel and his counterpart cousin are the furthest apart with 33 days separating them.

By the way, check out Ellison's sweet "RaggieMuffin" in her hair! If you are in the mood for some Etsy shopping, check out Ellisons here. Lots of new stuff added, and I must admit I've picked up a few things for myself - maybe I'll be as trendy as little miss Lydia one day (is it bad when your one-year old is trendier than you?). And, if you "like" Ellisons on facebook you can get a coupon good for 11% off of your purchase - who doesn't love a good deal? Or, if you just leave me a comment requesting the code or send me an e-mail, I will send you the code for the discount! Fun stuff!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T09:04:00.000-06:00

Twelve Months

2010-12-18T09:46:00.000-06:00

Or, in other words, one year! This little lady turns one today.

What a joy Lydia is. We love watching her explore and learn new things every day. She is walking all over the place and is quite proud of herself. She loves to be clapped at, and she loves to entertain us with the silly faces she makes. She is turning into quite the picky eater - what child does not like noodles? She loves to hug her dolly and to zoom the boys' cars around as well. She adores her big brothers (most of the time), and boy, can they make her giggle.

What a blessing Lydia is. In reflecting back, one year ago today, it is with such an overwhelmed heart that I remember seeing Lydia for the first time and realizing that we had a girl.

It was such an amazing moment, and we are grateful and thankful that God would choose us to bring up these boys and this sweet girl.

"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Piggy-clips, Korkers & More!!!!

2010-12-16T18:45:00.000-06:00

So, you all know that I have a slight obsession with Etsy! And, I'd love to introduce you to a new favorite Etsy shop - Ellison's with piggy-clips, korkers and more. Check it out here! And, for a chance at a super-fun giveaway, go here!

I'm absolutely positive that soon you will all see some of these designs modeled on Miss Lydia - on crocheted headbands, of course, until the girl gets more hair!!!

And, because no post of mine is complete without a picture, here you go.

Birthday Extravaganza

2010-12-13T21:11:00.000-06:00

So, "extravaganza" may be a bit overboard, but we did have a birthday celebration this past weekend for Samuel who turned six and Lydia who is nearly one. The pictures speak for themselves! I did include a couple of pictures of our the outside decorating - you see, Lydia's theme was a Winter ONEderland. Turns out we even had a blizzard this weekend!!!

So thankful for these two and the joy they bring to our lives! More to come on Lydia's milestone birthday when we get there!

Happy Birthday, Samuel!

2010-12-07T21:13:00.000-06:00

After much anticipation and what felt like a countdown that was taking forever, it's here - Samuel's 6th birthday. The countdown dragging on forever? That's from Samuel's perspective. From our perspective it seems we were just bringing this little blondie home from the hospital. Each day leading up to today, Samuel's 6th birthday, has seemed to slip by so quickly. This boy has brought us such joy and laughter ...

Samuel has a big personality. He is so decisive, always knows exactly what he wants. His smile fills up his face as he smiles through his eyes. Samuel is strong willed, persistent and what many would describe as quite stubborn at times. Samuel loves to cuddle, and he loves to push our buttons ... sometimes at the same time. Samuel is shy but only at first. He is a night owl and prefers to sleep late in the morning. Samuel is a great little brother to Jack, and he is learning to be a great big brother to Lydia (oh, he loves her, but did I mention he likes to push our buttons? And, hers?). Samuel is a work in progress. Aren't we all?

We are so blessed by this special little man! Happy Birthday, Samuel!!! We love you and thank God for you!

Thanksgiving Week Tradition

2010-11-24T22:16:00.001-06:00

A Thanksgiving Week tradition for us is to take the three days before Thanksgiving and head to a waterpark resort in the "Water Capital of the World" (go ahead, google it, it really is Wisconsin Dells!). We started this tradition eight years ago when Jack was just one, and we have gone for six of the eight last years - only taking a year off when I was pregnant with Samuel in 2004 and with Lydia just last year. After a year off, it was very clear that the boys have gotten a lot more independent and "brave."

It seems we have the most pictures of Lydia, followed by Samuel and then Jack. You see, Jack was often off with his cousin doing nine year old boy stuff. Nine year old boys can be hard to relate to at times, right Rita? How blessed we are to be able to do this with Jon and Rita and their family! I love that that Jack and Samuel enjoy and look forward to hanging out with their cousins! And, to just listen to the conversations amongst them ... it makes me giggle. We'll just leave it at that!

May your Thanksgiving and

Christmas Season be blessed!

Eleven Months

2010-11-18T21:27:00.000-06:00

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

One Step ...

2010-11-10T21:24:00.000-06:00

Two Steps ...

Three Steps ...

Four ...

This little girl has started taking her first steps!

More Fall Tradition ...

2010-10-31T21:29:00.000-05:00

Carving Pumpkins ...

Dressing Up ...

Soccer ...

Annual "Fall Festival" at Grandpa & Grandma's ...

(apparently with no pictures of the boys!)

Ahhh ... Autumn Bliss

Happy Birthday, Jack!

2010-10-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

Happy 9th Birthday, Jack!!! Can it really be that you've entered your last year of being in the single digits? Oh Jack, you are such a joy and an adventure, as well. In this past year, you have grown so much again. Physically, I'm afraid it won't be long until you're inching up on this Mama!

Many of the descriptors I chose to describe you last year still hold true ~ you are independent, sensitive, creative, tender, persistent, insistent, loving, enthusiastic, entertaining, funny and so much more.

Jack, we love you and thank God for blessing us with you!

Ten Months

2010-10-18T17:44:00.000-05:00

"He has made everything beautiful ..."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Remembering ...

2010-10-15T15:16:00.000-05:00

As I also posted last year, October 15th is the National Day of Miscarriage and Infant Loss. Of course, many of us understand that we do not just limit our reflection and rememberance to one day. We remember when our hearts ache, and it is painfully obvious that there is a piece of our hearts missing. We remember when we see other children the same age that our child(ren) would have been and we wonder what our little one(s) would have looked like, how their personalities would have seized us. We remember when we miss getting to tuck them in at night and say their bedtime prayers with them. We remember when we do not get to comfort them after a skinned knee. We remember as we make our way through family traditions. We remember when we are at the grocery store. We remember, we do not forget.

We remember and we pray for the many who have lost babies, who have lost babies early in pregnancy, who have lost babies at birth or shortly there after. We remember ...

China Girl Update

2010-10-06T22:34:00.000-05:00

Just an update on the adoption process - our paperwork with immigration including fingerprints and our home study "expired" on August 28th. Thus, we updated our home study over the summer and submitted our immigration extension, and we just received approval of our extension! The paperwork and process can be so overwhelming - I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed just with these updates, how quickly I had forgotten how much effort was involved in pulling together the complete dossier last year!

Chances are we will likely have to submit another extension (or two) of our immigration paperwork and another home study update before we actually receive a referral as our extension expires next December, and the current wait time is approximately 4 years (we are approximately at the 15 month mark from our log-in-date (LID) in China). There are so many factors, however, that can impact the wait time - number of families with completed paperwork, number of families who drop out of the program, number of families adopting from the Waiting Child program, among other things. We are in the Waiting Child program as well which means that we can review referrals of little ones with special needs. This may shorten our wait time, we will see.

Although not physically a part of our family yet, China Girl holds a place in our hearts. Just this past weekend Jack was asked how many kids are in our family. This shouldn't be such a complex question, right? Well, Jack went on to explain that, in addition to him, Samuel and Lydia, there is his brother who died (this is the simplest way for him to explain it) and there is China Girl. Poor lady who asked, who knew she would get such an answer as this!

God has His plan and will bring China Girl (physically) into our family in His perfect timing. Until then, we wait and pray for this little girl who is at the end of our red thread.

“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.” –An ancient Chinese belief

In a Funk

2010-10-04T21:57:00.000-05:00

We all have these phases, these chapters in our lives, right? It's not just me? Times where, even though we recognize we are unbelievably blessed, we are in a funk. Despite that this is my favorite time of year, despite that I'm loving watching the boys grow and learn with this new school year, despite watching Lydia's personality blossom every day, I'm feeling like I'm in a funk. Likely the root of this is a laziness in my relationship with God lately.

After having Owen, I journaled the following:

It seems when life moves on as normal, we get into a comfortable relationship with Christ, but when life throws you a curve ball like this, from our experience, our relationship with Him grew. We had and have hope, we could cry out to Him and know that He has a purpose in this, we don’t know what that purpose is and we may not ever understand what that purpose is, but we can cling to the hope that we have in Him.

Not saying that I want another curve ball, but I do want to re-ignite that relationship with Him. I want to focus more on prayer and set my mind there, instead of lending it to thoughts of my to-do list and instead of borrowing tomorrow's worries today. In self-reflection, it is almost comical how I needlessly worry about various things when it is clear we are not to worry.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."

Matthew 6:34

How blessed are we though, and how blessed am I that despite my laziness and my sinner's heart, He still loves me unconditionally? It is clear to me that I truly struggle with this character trait, I am, simply said, not good at loving unconditionally. There are women in my life who model this character trait so strongly. I pray that I might use God's and their example as a reflection of where my heart longs to be.

This post is a bit on the rambling side, but it is a good reminder to me of where I am, of how I am flawed, of how I need our Saviour, of how I long for my eyes to be a reflection of one filled with the Holy Spirit and how I can change my heart to love unconditionally. Because really, how can I choose anything but this for my sweet children, my husband, my family and my friends?

May I grow to become an example to others and to my sweet children, like sweet Samuel here ... because no post, no matter how serious is complete without a picture ...

The Amazing Race

2010-09-26T21:24:00.000-05:00

Today we got the privilege of being in an intense competition - an amazing race hosted by a friend and another family. While this was our first year participating, it was the 3rd year of the race. There were 9 families competing for the best time of getting through 10 clues / stations. Each family had a family theme - we were "Team Autumn Harvest." We had these cute tees made with our Team Autumn Harvest insignia (a little pumpkin and leaves). I must admit that I do love how they turned out (my love of Autumn and of personalization all wrapped up in one cute tee!).

The race was held at a large park and, of course, like any good race marshalls and planners, the clues and tasks had you going all over the park, back and forth. And, yes, it was intense - we literally were running from one station to the next. Lydia bounced along in her stroller - what a good sport she was!

We ended up being the first family out and crazy enough, we ended up having the best time (a little awkward since we were the rookie family and all). Our clues led us to tasks including fishing pennies out of jello with chop sticks, kicking soccer balls through hula-hoops, deciphering morse code, eating cupcakes, "bowling" basketballs down a very large and very steep hill (felt like a mountain when trying to get the balls back up it) to hit traffic cones, putting together puzzles, throwing a frisbee, untangling Christmas lights, and finding objects in a box without being able to see them. The last task was answering questions about each of the nine tasks already completed - oh boy! Some of the nine questions we remembered the detail they were asking for. The others? We had to race back to those stations and get the answer. Each task required us to work together and stay together as a family, and each family member had to participate in all of the activities. We had so much fun! Unfortunately, I do not have any pictures of us completing the tasks as we were too focused on being competitive!!!

Renee (and Michelle), thank you for inviting us, and thank you for all of the planning and coordination you do to make the race amazing!! We had a blast!!

Nine Months

2010-09-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

"Delight yourself in the LORD

and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Autumn Bliss

2010-09-04T14:46:00.000-05:00

It's not officially Autumn yet, but days like today remind me why this is my favorite season and all of the things I love about it ...

Crisp, cool air ...

Falling leaves ...

Autumn hues ...

Spiced cider ...

Baking ...

Fall recipes ...

The apple orchard ...

Jeans and sweatshirts ...

Bike rides and races ...

Cinnamon and clove candles ...

Caramel lattes ...

Smell of burning leaves ...

The pumpkin farm ...

Soccer games ...

Birthday "season" ...

Oh, I love this time of year!

Jack - Autumn 2007

Samuel - Autumn 2009

Back to School ... Again

2010-09-01T08:44:00.000-05:00

Again, it feels like I was just writing about the first day of school for the boys. Today was Jack's first day of ... gulp ... 3rd grade and Samuel's first day of full-day (Senior) Kindergarten, sniff sniff. Of course, the boys were excited while their Mama tried with everything she had in her not to break down, at least not before they got on the bus and could no longer see her.

We're praying that it is another year of growth for the boys, not just academically and socially but also that, as Nikki has so eloquently prayed for her own boys, a year where their hearts are captured by our God.

And with that, it is with anticipation, excitement and much love that we look forward to seeing the boys grow this year.

And, this little girl? She's wondering where her big brothers are going ... she will certainly miss them and their silliness while they are at school.

Eight Months

2010-08-18T18:46:00.001-05:00

"Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always."
Psalm 105:4

On the Move

2010-08-12T22:08:00.001-05:00

This little lady ...

is on the move! Yep, she's crawling now! And, she's close to being able to pull herself up on the furniture. Not sure we're ready for this yet!

And, don't let this innocent face fool you - in addition to crawling, she has started something else - "growling" at her brothers when they take things from her. The little princess already holding her own - love it!

Missing a Piece of My Heart

2010-08-07T21:23:00.000-05:00

Lydia is reaching one milestone after another - sitting up, scooting, nearly crawling, babbling. It is so amazing to see her develop and grow. It seems to be happening so quickly though!

With each new milestone, my heart silently reflects on not getting to see Owen achieve these sweet milestones. We are absolutely blessed with the boys and Lydia, no doubt. I am keenly aware of our blessings. But, my heart still aches over a longing for our little Owen. There are, of course, events that trigger stronger emotions - seeing some other little ones at the same age that Owen would have been and even our recent family vacation. We have come a long way in our grieving process since losing Owen, but I think I will always associate being at a cottage with our grieving process as we also stayed at a cottage after Owen's birth. I was looking at the picture of Jack, Samuel and Lydia that I posted. Even that picture makes it obvious to me that there should have been another little one between Samuel and Lydia.

I know that there will always be a piece of my heart missing, but, as I've said before, I also know that God is and remains sovereign. And, I know that Owen and his brief life have impacted me beyond words. I know that there are many others out there too that are missing a piece of their hearts after having experienced loss. For all of you, I continue to pray that you are finding peace and hope in your journey ...

End of Vacation

2010-08-01T07:54:00.000-05:00

We're packing up and getting ready to head home with
a week of vacation behind us,

but the memories forever in our hearts ...

Vacation

2010-07-26T20:29:00.000-05:00

Check out what this girl is doing - sitting up so good and enjoying "the beach" in our backyard.

We're renting a "lake house" for the week - okay, so it's a cottage, but it is on a lake. Lake house just sounds so much nicer. Sometimes it seems like renting a cottage is just camping, upgraded, at least while packing. But, the preparation is so worth it. It is beautiful here and God has spoiled us here with unbeatable weather on our first full day. The place we are staying is beautiful as well, and a bonus - it has wireless internet (I think that is how Jason sold me on this place) and a fantastic kitchen.

We spent our first day enjoying the lake. The boys loved tooling around in the paddle boat, playing in the sand and just being boys.

We also explored the nearby town, known for the fictional Hodag. I'm wondering who is going to have nightmares tonight?

The boys are out on the pier fishing, so Liddybug and I must sign off to go see if they've caught "the big one" yet.

Seven Months

2010-07-18T08:20:00.001-05:00

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
John 10:10

The Birthday Girl

2010-07-15T21:38:00.002-05:00

So, how did the birthday girl spend her big day? She played keep-away, dug a hole, and destroyed two landscape lights. Happily, she did not eat any drywall, steal our flip-flops, eat any napkins, steal Jack's socks, eat a stamper turning her nose, gums and paw pink, eat any used Kleenexes, eat any Lincoln Logs or a sticky hand ... nope not today ...

Happy 1st Birthday to our crazy Maizey (aka, our Marley)!

Full Week, Full Heart

2010-07-09T22:16:00.000-05:00

Phew, it's been a busy week ...

Three baseball nights ... two were Jack's games, one was our niece's game (who, unfortunately, I did not get a picture of - let me tell you though, she is one cute and fashionable ball player with her skirt, yes, skirt - hmmm ... will Lydia be like that?) ...

A night of moving Samuel's things into Jack's room ...

A night at Lifest with a "chance" (definitely a "God Thing") encounter with the lead singer of Casting Crowns, Mark Hall (I'm still a bit "star" struck). I know, I know, he's just a person, like you and me ... but still, he's the lead singer of Casting Crowns, and we love Casting Crowns ... I think I may have mentioned that before on this blog ... or, is it obvious based on the fact that we have now been to three Casting Crowns concerts in two years?

And, of course, Lydia loved her first Casting Crowns concert ...

A busy week and a full heart, how we love these summer days!

(Nearly) Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-07T21:37:00.000-05:00

Our Little Firecrackers

2010-07-04T13:49:00.000-05:00

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

John 8:36

"I will walk about in freedom ..."

Psalm 119:45

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

John 8:32

(Side note - this is Samuel practicing his independence with his faux mohawk!)

"Proclaim liberty throughout the land and to all the inhabitants."

Leviticus 25:10

Door County

2010-06-25T21:59:00.000-05:00

Jason and I love Door County and typically we spend a night there in June to celebrate our anniversary. Well, this year I wasn't quite ready to leave Lydia overnight, and, to be honest, I'm certain that the girl wasn't ready for me to leave her either. So, we decided to do an end-of-the-school-year / anniversary / Father's Day getaway weekend with the kids. We had a lot of fun and feel very blessed to be able to make memories like these with our children.

We shall see what next year brings - Door County with the kids ... or, without the kids?

Six Months

2010-06-18T09:02:00.000-05:00

"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2010-06-15T07:34:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Mom! We love you and wish you many birthday blessings!!

Much love,

All Good Things ...

2010-06-09T16:26:00.000-05:00

...must come to an end. Can it already be the end of the school year? Seems that I was just posting about the start of the year. What a fun year it's been! It has been amazing to see how the boys have grown, how they have changed and how much they have learned.

September 2009 - June 2010

Remembering ...

2010-05-30T07:32:00.000-05:00

Sweet Owen, we are remembering you today as we do every day but especially today on your 2nd birthday ...

We remember the calm and peacefulness of Thursday, May 29th, the day before you were born.

We remember driving to the hospital late that night, feeling numb as we could only imagine what the next hours would bring.

We remember playing dominos and Uno as labor was not progressing quickly, but it was more time to enjoy feeling you move inside of me as you were so full of life.

We remember laughing at your brothers when they got to meet you. They even smelled your sweet little toes.

We remember the words of the photographer, how she was so nervous to take your pictures but then she met you and all of her fears were washed away.

We remember introducing you to your Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and special friends, you are so loved. We remember many of these loved ones sitting in the waiting room all day, waiting for your arrival. What an amazing act of love.

We remember holding you and never wanting to let go.

We remember listening to music with you and reading you a book.

We remember sobbing as we left the hospital, our arms aching with emptiness but praising our Father that we did get to hold you and love you.

We remember the joy, peace and love that surrounded us that Friday evening after your birth, we could sense the Lord's presence.

We remember your sweet button nose and your "stork bites" - you looked just like your big brothers!

We remember taking in all of you, knowing we only had hours to memorize each of your features forever.

We remember the picture of the leaf with the single rain drop hung on the door of our hospital room - a secret signal to all staff, letting them know that something devestating had happened to the people inside those doors.

We remember the nurses and our doctor and how we were so well cared for.

We remember handing your body to the nurse, we knew you no longer occupied that physical form, but that knowledge did not make it any easier to say goodbye.

We remember these things and so much more. And today, on your 2nd birthday, we remember you, Owen, our sweet love.

Baby Dedication

2010-05-20T21:32:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day weekend was very special. On Sunday, Lydia was dedicated. Nearly two years ago we were also dedicating Owen, but the circumstances were so different. We were dedicating him at the hospital, not in church. It was just Jason and I and one of our dear Pastors. At the time of Owen's dedication he was already in the Lord's hands, only his earthly body remained with us. How blessed we were to be able to stand in church with Lydia on Mother's Day and commit to each other and loved ones that we will bring up Lydia intentionally.

Admittedly, after losing Owen, there is still a question I wrestle with - do I fully trust God with the lives of our children or do I only partially trust him or trust him as long as he promises to keep them safe?

Another mom I "know" (in the web world), said it so well - "why do we as parents try to hang on when we know that our children are much better off in the Lord's hands than in our own? Why do we have a hard time trusting when we know our Heavenly Father loves us deeply and passionately?" It's not easy, is it? I'm still learning, still learning that God's plan is so much bigger than ours. Remember Angie? In her recently released book, "I Will Carry You," she speaks to clinging to our children, but the more we do that, we more we may realize that they are not ours. We need to leave them in the hands of the One who created them.

So, to stand on that stage and publicly dedicate Lydia's life to the Lord, we will choose to fully trust God and pray that Lydia will do the same as she grows up.

"Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

Five Months

2010-05-18T06:36:00.000-05:00

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3

The Invisible Woman

2010-05-09T13:59:00.001-05:00

We watched this today in church, and it made me reflect on how blessed I am to know and love so many "invisible women." Happy Mother's Day to you all!

Please remember to pause the music at the bottom of the blog page.

Spring Tradition #3

2010-05-07T23:46:00.000-05:00

Here it is, our last Spring tradition that I'm going to blog about ~ the Awana Grand Prix. I think the picture speaks for itself!!!!!

The boys with their cousins

And, Lydia ready for her first Grand Prix as a spectator

(I just wanted to get a picture on here of her wearing a skirt for the first time! Have I mentioned how much fun I'm having with a girl?)

Spring Tradition #2

2010-05-02T17:38:00.002-05:00

Our annual Christmas tree burning started four years ago. We "save" our Christmas tree and then pick a weekend in Spring to take it to a near-by state campground to burn. We then roast hot dogs and marshmallows over our tree. Little did we know four years ago that this would start a fun annual tradition for us, but it did!

The Boys - Anxiously awaiting the fire ...

Lydia pretty much slept through her first tree burning ...

Our spring traditions hold a special place in our hearts as they are traditions that we experienced and memories that we made while Owen was full of life. Granted, he was in utero, but he was with us as we made stepping stones two years ago ... as we burned our tree two years ago ... and more ... coming soon ...

Spring Tradition #1

2010-04-25T17:07:00.000-05:00

While Spring is not my favorite season, I do enjoy watching the wonder of new life in God's creation. I also enjoy the Spring traditions we have established as a family. One of which is making stepping stones. Every April, since Jack has been 6 months old, we have made stepping stones. Each child makes their own stone, and I just love the collection we are getting along our walkway!

Stay tuned ... more Spring traditions coming your way!

Four Months

2010-04-18T08:53:00.000-05:00

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth.”

3 John 1:4

Back to Work

2010-04-11T13:51:00.001-05:00

I have been back to work for about a month now, and we continue to adjust to new schedules. My maternity leave went so, so fast. Where DID those 12 weeks go? But then I look at the boys and wonder where the years have gone. It seems like just yesterday I was returning to work after leave with Jack ... with Samuel ... with Owen ... all very different returns.

Jason was still working when Jack and Samuel were born so our routine was different then. My dad, Jason's mom and Rita watched Jack for nearly the first year. Then, Jack started going to Tina's house. We were so, so blessed to have such wonderful individuals to care for and love our little ones!!! Samuel started at Tina's house right away after my leave. Of course, I knew the boys were well loved, but it is still with a heavy heart that I left them to return to work. With Owen, my leave was, of course, very different in so many respects. Going back to work after having Owen, while hard, was part of the healing process.

Jason has now been at home with the kids for nearly three years. I am so grateful for that. (Tip - if you are a real-life friend - please don't ask if Jason is still at home "babysitting" the children ... um, no, he is not at home "babysitting" the children ... and, yes, someone really did ask that). It was still hard leaving Lydia to return to work, even though I knew she was with her daddy.

I struggle with balancing a career outside of the home, being a wife to Jason and a mommy to the kids, being a friend and doing the domestic things at home that I love. I struggle with accepting that I cannot get everything done I'd like to ... I have to give up some of my controlling tendencies ... and, gulp, I have to find peace in that ... kind of hard considering my Martha tendencies!. And, it tears at my heartstrings that there are some things I am missing as the kids grow. Of course, we question if this is God's plan for us. For now though, despite the things we struggle with, this feels right and we are thankful that we can have a parent at home (and, Jason is an amazing husband and father).

Plus, an income does seem to be a necessity these days. And, it helps fund some of the new "addictions" that I've developed since having a girl such as purchasing ...

Sweet Flower Headbands ...

Adorable, little shoes ...

And, all things monogrammed - like these little bloomers.

By the way, don't you just love baby feet?

He has risen ...

2010-04-04T09:09:00.003-05:00

And, he rose ... for Jack ... for Samuel ... for Lydia ...
and for you and me.

Rejoice in knowing that we are saved because he gave his life for us.

"He is not here; he has risen, just as he said." Matthew 28:6

It is finished ...

2010-04-02T07:50:00.002-05:00

Jesus died ...

for Jack ...

for Samuel ...

for Lydia ...

and for you and me.

"Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19:30

Impact

2010-03-28T21:00:00.001-05:00

Isn't this a beatiful family? Want to know something even more beautiful about them? They are leaving tomorrow for Indonesia, as missionaries, to share the gospel with others. They have already impacted many lives here ... it is so awesome to imagine the impact they are going to have in Indonesia.

Ryan, Melissa and Talia, we are going to miss you! We love you.

Three Months

2010-03-18T07:24:00.000-05:00

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Skiing and Shopping

2010-03-06T21:08:00.011-06:00

Remember this post? The boys love many of the same activities their daddy loves. This weekend Jason took the boys downhill skiing. Jason has been taking Jack for the past few years, and this year it was time to take Samuel along as well. The boys had a blast, and I'm happy to report no injuries!

Jack and Jason on the lift when Jack was 6

(I love this picture and still have it up at work)

The Boys this Weekend

And, what did us girls do while the boys were away? Why, we went shopping! Aside from my internet shopping, namely Etsy, I have not done any "real" shopping since having Lydia. We decided today was the day so we packed up the stroller, picked up Grandma and headed North to a "real" mall to shop clearance for next year. While we did not find many clearance items, we found some sale items (and some splurges). Wow, shopping for girls is so fun (but dangerous!).

While Lydia is too young to remember this outing, it did bring back memories of my childhood. You could often find my Mom and I shopping at "real" malls on a given Saturday. Lydia was SO good! Mom and I are looking forward to future outings with Miss Liddybug!

Grandma and Lydia

Ready to go!

Maizey Girl

2010-02-24T16:15:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've posted about last year's addition to our family. Maizey is seven months old now. She is spunky and still has some bad puppy behaviors that we are working on breaking (like thinking plastic toys are a delicacy). But she is sweet as well, and she makes us laugh. Although, on occasion (some days more than others), we do find ourselves questioning the decision we made to get a pooch before baby, we do enjoy the dynamic that Maizey brings to our family.

Here she is ... 60 pounds of love and craziness ...

Come Together

2010-02-22T20:59:00.003-06:00

Profound.

Amazing.

Beautiful.

Be sure to pause music at bottom of blog page.

Two Months

2010-02-18T08:49:00.000-06:00

"We prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted us what we asked of him."

1 Samuel 1:27

Our Little Valentines

2010-02-14T11:59:00.000-06:00

"Above all, love each other deeply ..." 1 Peter 4:8

Pouty Lip

2010-02-05T10:57:00.001-06:00

Meet Lydia's pouty lip:

This cracks me up for a couple of reasons - first, because Lydia looks so darn cute sporting a pouty lip and second, really, what does she have to be pouty about??? But really, what do I have to be pouty about??? Yet, how many times do I catch myself (or does someone else catch me, ahem, my husband) pouting or complaining needlessly? Too often, way too often.

God clearly commands us that we ought not complain -

"Do everything without complaining or arguing." Philippians 2:14

Ouch! I'm so guilty of this ... praying that I can refocus my complaints into praises of gratitude for the abundance of blessings that we have been given.

Bittersweet

2010-01-31T08:41:00.000-06:00

Two years ago today we sat in a dimly lit ultrasound room and heard three words that have forever changed us - "incompatible with life." Today marks the two year anniversary of Owen's diagnosis. Over the course of the past two years there have been so many occasions, so many things that have caused us to use the descriptor "bittersweet". Again, as we approach the day, the two year anniversary of Owen's diagnosis, bittersweet is once again the most appropriate descriptor.

Bittersweet: pleasure alloyed with pain (Merriam-Webster)

This accurately describes many of the feelings we have had over the past two years. Some feelings definitely are either bitter and painful or clearly sweet and pleasurable. For example, hearing the words "incompatible with life" burned, it was beyond painful. But seeing Owen full of life, via ultrasound, at 19 weeks and again at 33 weeks was so, so sweet.

There are some things which, depending on the day, can cause these emotions to blur. For example, seeing toddlers the same age that Owen would be (20 months) and wondering if Owen would be at a similar development stage, imagining what his giggle would have sounded like ... would he be babbling? How big would he be? Would he have Jack's coarse, brown hair or Samuel's out of control blonde hair? These ponderings bring us pleasure, but they also burn at times as we question "why Owen?" But then we are often brought to our knees reminded "why not Owen?" What we do know is that God is faithful and we have been reminded time and time again, that although we may not understand, God does not make mistakes.

We have grown these past two years. We have developed an increased trust in God despite not completely understanding God's plan in losing Owen.

Although our hearts still ache over the loss of Owen, we know that our God is sovereign, we know that we have hope, and we know that losing Owen has also brought us many amazing blessings.

We love you sweet baby Owen!

Side profile of Owen, full of life, sucking on his hand at 33 weeks, via 3D ultrasound.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 13-16

One Month

2010-01-18T10:24:00.004-06:00

"Every good and perfect gift is from above." James 1:17

China Girl

2010-01-13T10:23:00.000-06:00

Some have asked, and we are suspecting that others are wondering but are not sure how to ask - now that Lydia is here, does that alter our plans to adopt a little girl from China? Without hesitation, our plan to expand our family with the addition of "China girl" has absolutely not changed, this is something that God has placed on our hearts.

We are still in the "waiting" phase of the adoption process. The current wait time for a healthy little girl under the age of two is 44 months and increasing. We are hoping that the wait time will actually start decreasing once the China Center of Adoption Affairs gets to the applications logged in starting in mid-2007. This is when the requirements for China adoption changed (became more strict) and it is suspected that the number of applications is lower than in previous years. The following are the things that impact the wait time:

the number of infants/children that will be available for adoption and paper ready
the number of domestic adoptions that will occur within China
the number of families from around the world who have login dates
the number of families who will withdraw from the China adoption process due to the increased wait time
the number of families who will adopt through the Waiting Children program and will no longer have their dossier waiting in the non-special needs line
the number of families who will switch programs during their process and no longer adopt from China

Before we found out we were expecting, we were in the China Waiting Child program as well. This is the program to adopt a child with special needs. While we are waiting on a "healthy" referral, we also have the option to review referrals for children with special needs. The special needs range from emotional to physical, minor to major. We could not continue in this program while expecting another child, but we can re-enter into this program, to review waiting child referrals, anytime after Liddybug is 6 months old.

This year we will also need to update our home study (to include Lydia) and we will need to update our fingerprints (you know, just in case our ones from last year changed - ha ha - there are a "few" things about this process that it's best to just accept and not question).

While we still affectionately refer to our daughter as China Girl, we are thinking that China Girl will be Sophia Jane, but this will be confirmed once we meet her.

So, here we are, waiting on God's perfect timing to further expand our family.

Gratitude

2010-01-08T16:24:00.000-06:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - we are so very blessed. And, we are humbled as we say thank you to all of you for your prayers and encouragement after Owen's diagnosis and birth and throughout the pregnancy and delivery of Lydia.

We received a very special, unexpected gift today which brought tears to my eyes ~

To see Lydia's name on this tile and to be reminded of how we prayed for this little one and how God so graciously answered our prayer is overwelming. Thank you Kaye for this incredible gift. You all may remember Kaye from this post. Kaye, we have not met you, but know that you have touched our lives beyond words ...

And, again, thank you to everyone who has prayed with us and for us. You have been an encouragement. We love you!

Two Weeks

2010-01-01T11:44:00.000-06:00

Lydia is two weeks old today. So, what has she been up to these past two weeks? You know, the typical newborn stuff - eating, sleeping, pooping, spitting up and being cuddled.

Lydia weighs 6 pounds, 15 ounces, only one ounce shy of her 7 pound birth weight. She is currently in the 10th percentile for weight. She is 20.5 inches long (I know, she "shrunk" from her birth length) and is in the 75th percentile for length.

Lydia has fondly earned the nickname "Liddybug" (given to her by who else but her big brother, the bug man, Samuel). The boys are enjoying their baby sister immensely and love to hold her, talk to her and cuddle her.

Jason and I are still, and forever will be, in awe of God's mercy and grace and are so thankful for this precious gift. Here she is at two weeks, little Miss Liddybug.

Praying that the new year brings you health, happiness, love and many blessings.

Christmas Tradition

2009-12-28T09:36:00.000-06:00

Yesterday marked the end to our planned Christmas celebrations as we celebrated with Jason's parents and siblings. This Christmas was a little "different" for all of us. We celebrated two weeks early with my family instead of our tradtional Christmas Eve get-together. So, Jason and the boys went to Christmas Eve service and then to Jason's grandparents house. And, after a morning of fun and tradition at our house on Christmas Day the guys headed over to Jason's parent's house.

During these times, Lydia and I hung out at home. And, while my heart was missing our traditional festivities, I was also moved many times gazing at Lydia ... I am in awe of God's mercy and grace ... I am in awe that He would choose us to raise this little peanut. And, my thoughts often turned to that stable and manger as I wonder how Mary must have felt as she gazed into that precious little face of Jesus. We know that she "treasured up all of these things in her heart" ~ what a wonderful thing and also what I am trying to do as I adjust to things being "different" this year.

And, although yesterday we had our last planned Christmas celebration, how blessed are we to know in our hearts that our celebration of Jesus' birth and all that He has given us is to be celebrated year-round. May you also celebrate the Gift of Christmas in your hearts year-round.

Merry Christmas, year-round, from our family to yours.

Introducing ...

2009-12-18T19:21:00.000-06:00

We are blessed (and a little bit shocked) to announce the arrival of Lydia Collett:

Born December 18th, 2009 at 12:37 p.m.

7 Pounds, 0 Ounces
21 Inches
And, absolutely perfect!

Our love,

Jason, Heather, Jack, Samuel & Lydia

"From the fullness of His grace we have received one blessing after another." John 1:16

The Final Countdown

2009-12-16T19:15:00.000-06:00

Nearly nine months ago we couldn't even imagine getting to this point where "it could be any day now." Nearly nine months ago we were filled with apprehension, and we still are, the fear of leaving the hospital empty, on so many fronts, is still real. But, as I've said before, we have a renewed sense of hope and peace. As we are now less than one week from our due date, so many emotions are flooding us ~ nervous excitement, some anxiety, disbelief that it's already time, sweet anticipation ... we are beside ourselves knowing that any day now this little one could enter this world and we will be able to hold him / her in our arms.

This past Sunday we were at the cemetery. It was harder than we imagined it to be, wondering if this would be our last visit to the cemetery before baby is born. We wonder how we will feel entering the hospital ... we wonder how we will feel being in the labor and delivery unit ... we pray that we will leave the hospital with this baby in our arms ... as so many things have been these past two years, we are sure that the coming days will be bittersweet as we welcome this little one. We are sure that there will be tears of joy and also tears of grief as we still long to have Owen here with us.

As I mentioned in a previous post, we know our God is sovereign and through Him we have hope. It is with sweet anticipation that we await the arrival of this little one.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalms 130:5

Five

2009-12-07T08:39:00.000-06:00

Five. How did that happen?

It seems like just yesterday that we were enjoying this little blondie.

Now we are trying to keep up with this guy.

Samuel has changed and has grown up so much in this past year and especially in the last three months. His independence has increased, a bit bittersweet to see that this little guy doesn't need us like he used to. Like his big brother, Samuel is quite entertaining and says so many things that make us laugh and make our hearts smile. Case in point, a conversation with the boys a couple of weeks ago:

Jack: "Does Santa know if the baby is a boy or girl?"

Me: "No, only God knows for sure."

Pause ...

Samuel: "It's another boy."

Jack and I: "How do you know?"

Samuel: "God told me in my mind."

Oh, how we love this boy!

Samuel has a fondness for elephants and armadillos (odd, we know) and for his blankie. He has a loving demeanor, he's goofy. He is affectionate towards others, he has a passion for school. And, his smile, oh his smile, it's contagious. We thank God every day for these precious boys he's entrusted us with.

Happy Birthday, Samuel. We love you!

"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Toothless Grin

2009-12-01T21:14:00.001-06:00

Check out this precious, toothless grin!!!! Another first - Samuel's first lost tooth (and only days before his 5th birthday!). Oh, this little boy is growing up too fast!

So Blessed

2009-11-26T08:28:00.004-06:00

Have you ever felt so blessed that it brought tears to your eyes? Here are just a few of the countless blessings we are thanking God for these days:

for engergetic, loving boys ...
for a marriage centered in Christ's love ...
for the upcoming newest addition to our family ...
for a cozy home that will soon be bursting at the seams ...
for amazing family and friendships ...
for a crazy pup (per Jack) ...
for chicken (per Samuel) ...
for God's unbelievable mercy and grace ...

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Deck the Halls ...

2009-11-22T21:23:00.001-06:00

In case you couldn't tell, I'm big on tradition. One of my favorite weekends, filled with tradition, is the weekend before Thanksgiving. Jason heads up north for the "big hunt," and the boys and I spend the weekend hanging out. We bust out the Christmas music (okay, I admit it, our Casting Crowns Peace on Earth CD has already been out for weeks), we make some hot cider or cocoa and usually a few other goodies, we decorate the house for Christmas, we work on our Christmas ornaments, and somewhere in the weekend we watch a Christmas movie or two. The weekend also typically entails a lunch date with mom (always the boys' choice which typically means we end up at Subway which was the case this weekend).

And, the grand finale of the weekend, welcoming Jason home to the holiday sites, smells and sounds of our home.

Hope and Peace

2009-11-05T21:50:00.001-06:00

With less than seven weeks to go before baby enters this world, we have gotten to a place of renewed hope and peace. It has not been easy, and we know that there are still uncertainties. Although all signs indicate that this will be a full-term, healthy baby, we cannot be certain of the outcome. Only God, our Father, knows the outcome. Does He know what we want? Does He hear us? Does He know that we yearn for a baby to hold in our arms, a baby full of life, a baby to bring home from the hospital? Yes, He knows. Yes, He hears us. Does that mean that is what He will give us? No, that part is still uncertain. But, we have faith and we have hope and we have peace in knowing that His decision, His direction, and His plan are what we are here for.

Getting to this point has been challenging, we have often been reminded of our pregnancy with Owen. We never got to the point of putting up the crib. We never got to the point of picking out an outfit to bring him home from the hospital in, instead, we were picking out an outfit to bury him in. We never went to Target to stock up on diapers and other essentials. There are so many things with Owen that we never got to. And, our hearts still yearn to have Owen here. But, that was not to be.

Only now, in the past few weeks have we found ourselves moving forward, really planning for this baby ... purchasing a new stroller and car seat, painting Samuel and the baby's room, picking up some supplies, and you know what? It's scary, but it feels great. It feels exciting. We have a renewed sense of hope and peace.

Throughout this pregnancy we have heard others remark about this being our third, about what a sense of relief we must feel to be expecting again. This is not our third. We have three little boys. And, this baby will never replace Owen or the love we have for him. Our love for all of our children is deep and profound, but very separate. Just as our love for "China Girl" is distinct and separate (yes, the boys are still referring lovingly to their one day sister as "China Girl"). A little girl that may only be a thought right now, our love for her was real when we made the decision to fill out the adoption application.

Yes, we are moving forward. Yes, it is still hard to understand the unfolding of events that got us to this place. But, above all, we know that our God is sovereign and that through Him we have hope.

Until the Whole World Hears

2009-10-23T21:20:00.004-05:00

What do you suppose Jack is doing here? How about here?

Does this help?

Give up? Jack is absorbing a night of worship. He's rockin'. He's belting out lyrics. He's taking it all in at the Matt Redman and Casting Crowns concert last night - part of his birthday present. It was an amazing night of worship, of praise and of music. It was also a night of reflection on our inadequacies, on our sinful tendencies ... but, it was also a reminder of the eternal hope we have in our Savior.

Having seen Casting Crowns perform last year, I found myself not only drawn into their message, but I was also enjoying Jack's reaction. It was also moving as we remembered Owen. As I've mentioned before "Praise You in This Storm" resonates in our hearts and to hear Matt Redman start it out and then Casting Crowns take it over was amazing … emotional and amazing. "Blessed be your name" is another song of worship that we sang at Owen's Celebration of Life service - He gives and takes away. To hear Matt Redman sing this live was also moving.

One of Jack's favorite moments was Casting Crowns getting everyone on their feet for "What if His People Prayed."

Here's to you Jack, our little Casting Crowns groupie!

Please remember to pause the music at the bottom.

We will not stop singing His praises … we will not stop praising Him … we will not stop worshiping Him … we will not stop ... until the whole world hears!

We Blinked ...

2009-10-20T06:42:00.000-05:00

And, this is what we found ~ a baby boy who has quickly, too quickly grown into a big boy, on his way to being quite the young man. Our little pumpkin turns eight today. Jack has grown into quite the little guy ~ independent (too much at times), sensitive, creative, tender, persistent, insistent, loving, enthusiastic and so much more.

Eight ...

... Halfway to being able to drive (oh boy)

... No more booster seat required

... Closer to double digits

... So much significance

And, so much for a parent to absorb, to embrace, to treasure as we blink our eyes and find that our baby boy is not such a baby anymore.

Happy Birthday, Little Man!

We love you!

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24